Published in the UK Sunday Times on the 28th Dec 2014 and written by Ami Morin these are 13 things that mentally strong people work on achieving, it may be that some of these elements are aspects that NTs would find helpful or supportive.
They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves
It may be comforting to indulge in a pity party, but this allows you to avoid taking any responsibility and it won’t move you any closer to a solution. It can also lead to anger, resentment and loneliness. People often use self-pity to gain attention, but a victim mentality is not attractive and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy: when you feel sorry for yourself, it’s unlikely you’ll perform at your best. Try practicing gratitude every day.
They don’t give away their power
A lack of emotional and physical boundaries for yourself risks giving away your power. That leads to a dependence on others to regulate your feelings — you’ll only be as good as their opinion of you. To regain your power, identify when you blame others for how you feel — you may be giving them more power than you think they deserve. Learn to evaluate feedback critically to determine its validity, and make choices based on what’s best for you, not what you think others want.
They don’t shy away from change
Circumstances can change quickly, but humans are usually much slower to change. Many worry that change may make things worse; many associate it with discomfort. However, life won’t improve in a rut, and if you are unwilling to challenge yourself, others may grow bored with you. Create a plan to implement change. Break it down into small steps and anticipate obstacles. Keeping a record of your daily achievements can help you stay motivated.
They don’t focus on things they can’t control
We can’t control everything. Letting go frees up time and energy to accomplish feats within our control. People with an external locus of control believe in fate; those with an internal locus believe they have full control over their future. The latter is often deemed superior, but can cause feelings of inadequacy, loneliness and anxiety. The right balance is a bi-locus of control, a mixture of the two. Practice acceptance. You can’t control other people, so try instead to influence them positively.
They don’t worry about pleasing everyone
Do you apologise for everything, hide your hurt feelings or act as you think others want you to? If so, you are a people-pleaser and your needs are not being met. That can lead to resentment and others taking advantage of you. To avoid this, rank the top five values in life — they could be family, friends, spirituality, career, money, purpose, helping others, leisure. Are you actually living by them? Pleasing others should never be at the top. Practice behaving assertively — it can improve relationships and increase respect.
They don’t fear taking calculated risks
We often base our decisions on emotion instead of logic, but if we understood how to calculate risk, we’d be less fearful. Ask what the potential costs are, and the benefits — there needs to be a big enough payoff. Examine how this risk plays into your bigger goals, and ask what the alternatives are — they may lie in between. And keep things in perspective — how much will this decision matter in five years? Don’t allow superstitions, emotion or irrationality to affect your willingness to take risks.
They don’t dwell on the past
Lingering guilt, shame and anger can keep you stuck in the past. Often, we romanticise the past to escape the present, but you may be exaggerating a great past or a bad present. Dwelling on the past can create a vicious cycle of the same emotions, preventing healthy decisions. To shift thinking, schedule a time for your brain to process things, then move on. And think about the facts, not the emotion. By not dramatising the past, your distress decreases and you’re less likely to dwell on it.
They don’t make the same mistakes over and over
Sometimes we repeat-offend because we learn when growing up that it’s better to hide our mistakes than face the consequences. But you’ll never solve a problem until you do something differently. Acknowledge what factors led to your misstep, ask what went wrong, what you could have done better, what you can do differently. Establish new behaviours to replace old ones and practice self-discipline — everyone has the ability. Learn to tolerate the discomfort because each time you give in, you reduce your self-control.
They don’t resent other people’s success
Resentment is irrational — it’s a result of insecurity, where someone else’s success seems to magnify your own shortcomings. If you’re always trying to keep up with others, you’ll never feel at peace with what you have. Avoid comparing yourself with others; measure your own growth instead — your journey is unique. Don’t denigrate others’ accomplishments. When you can be happy about them, you’ll attract rather than repel successful people. Focus on co-operation rather than competition and you may gain inspiration and information to help you.
They don’t give up after the first failure
Fear prevents us from persisting after failure. Many quit because they think they have no control over their level of talent, so they don’t try. But grit is a better predictor of success than IQ. By focusing on effort not outcome, you’re more likely to accept failure as part of the process. Self-compassion, more than self-esteem, is key — it’s understanding that failure doesn’t decrease your worth. Failing can be wonderful if you gain knowledge from it. Getting used to failing makes it a lot less scary.
They don’t fear alone time
The idea that “being alone is bad” and “being surrounded by people is good” pressures us to fill our calendars; it helps us feel important and serves as a distraction. But solitude offers restoration, boosting compassion, creativity and happiness. Take at least 10 minutes daily to meditate or do nothing. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but time alone is the best way to know yourself and recognise what’s holding you back.
They don’t feel the world owes them anything
Feeling the world owes you may be about perceived superiority or perceived injustice — someone with a difficult childhood, for example, may max out his credit to buy what he missed as a kid. Younger generations have an increased desire for wealth and a decreased desire to work. Focus on giving, not taking, and on being a team player; focus on your efforts, not your importance. To avoid disappointment, don’t keep score of your good deeds — or how you’ve felt wronged.
They don’t expect immediate results
Understanding that success doesn’t happen overnight is necessary to reach your potential. Amazon wasn’t profitable for the first seven years. Don’t underestimate how difficult change is, and avoid placing a time limit on achieving your goal. Instead, be flexible and recognise that sometimes things have to get worse first. Practice delaying gratification; keep your eyes on the prize, but celebrate milestones along the way. Just because you feel frustrated doesn’t mean you should quit — frustration is part of the process.
1 Comment. Leave new
How does ageing affect these definitions of mental strength? Toxic metals accumulate and serum zinc and chromium levels fall. Very successful bosses can become “grumpy old men” or women, especially if they have serious health problems. The older people become the more they dislike change and the memories of youth become more vivid.
However it is good to tell both young and old how to stay healthy.